Summer’s Birth Story

YOU GUYS. I have a BABY!!! Like WHAT?! HOW?!?!

If you’ve been following along on Instagram and keeping up with my stories and everything that happened leading up to having my baby girl, Summer, you know that I never would have thought I would be writing this post at the beginning of May (her due date was May 18), and that I never would have thought she would already be almost three weeks old as I typed this on the first day of May. I want to give a full recap of everything that happened surrounding her birth because it was a lot. The short story is that I had preeclampsia and Hellp syndrome out of the blue and had to get induced at 34 weeks, 5 days. For this post though, I just wanted to share my actual birth story because even though the circumstances under which she came were crazy, I still had the whole labor experience, just much differently than I had imagined.

Leading up to having Summer, Ben and I had been taking natural child birth classes. I knew that I wanted to try to have a natural and unmedicated birth if I could. My first priority, however, was always a healthy baby and a healthy me. And also given that no matter what you may learn, you don’t know exactly what labor is going to feel like, how long it’s going to be etc. I also knew that at the end of the day if I changed my mind about my plans, I was going to be OK with that too.

My reasons for wanting to have an unmedicated birth weren’t to prove anything to myself or to anyone else. It was just something I decided I wanted to do, with a lot of help from Jesus and my hubby, after learning about all the things associated with childbirth. And I also applaud EVERY SINGLE WOMAN who has birthed a child, no matter the circumstances, because that ish is HARD no matter how you do it.

Without getting too deep into everything else that happened since I want this post to be about my birth, I went into the hospital on Thursday morning, April 11th, with abdominal pain and some contractions, after having also thrown up an hour before and having blood in my vomit. I wanted to just go in and make sure baby girl was OK. Within a very short while of getting there, it was determined that she was fine, but I was not, and I had to have her immediately. They diagnosed me with not only preeclampsia but also Hellp Syndrome, and the only solution is to get the placenta out which obviously means get the baby out too! It was so CRAZY because I had had the most amazing pregnancy ever, and my blood pressure had not ever been a concern once because it had always been great at my appointments! Because of both of the conditions they diagnosed me with, they told me I was going to have to have an emergency C-section. And it was going to be the kind where they knock you out completely. One of the symptoms of Hellp Syndrome is a low platelet count, and mine, according to the nurses, was the lowest they had ever seen. They are supposed to be at 150,000, and mine were at 21,000. Since my platelets were so low, my blood wouldn’t clot like it’s supposed to, which meant I couldn’t get an epidural to be awake for my c-section.

All morning, I had felt a peace, even though everything had been so crazy. But when they told me I was going to have a C-section and be knocked out (and Ben wouldn’t have been able to be in there), I just didn’t feel like that was the answer. Baby girl was doing great, and even though all my symptoms were insane, I felt ok and like I could try to have her vaginally. I asked my doctor several times if it was a possibility. At first, he was super hesitant, but as a little time passed, he softened at the idea. (I think the initial concern was how long it would take for me to labor. It was my first baby. I was going to get induced etc. The perfect recipe for a 24 hour+ labor. There also still was the issue with clotting though, which would have presented itself more even with a c-section under anesthesia). Several more doctors as well as the high risk specialist came into my room to asses the situation and make a decision. And they all agreed to let me try to have her vaginally!!! I couldn’t believe it. I was so excited and thankful.

The idea of getting induced had sort of freaked me out before that day because I had always wanted to let my body just do its thing but at this point, I didn’t care because I was just so thankful the doctors trusted me to let me try to have her vaginally. One of the doctors broke my water, (TMI but they literally reach up there and use a little hook thing to break your amniotic sac, and the water just starts rushing out. Speaking of TMI, let’s just agree that I won’t use that disclaimer anymore in this post, but you’re in for some more fun facts like the above.) They then transferred me to a delivery room and got me started on pitocin. More fun facts, because of what was going on with my body, I also had a catheter, an IV with a magnesium drip to help with my high blood pressure and prevent seizures (a side effect of preeclampsia/Hellp syndrome) (also it made me SO swollen) and a blood pressure cuff on my arm and going off every fifteen minutes. It was A LOT. Oh and I got several platelet infusions through the whole day too!

They broke my water at 10am, and once the pitocin kicked in, I started mildly feeling the contractions. From that point and through the early afternoon, they weren’t too bad. I would just pause to breathe as they came, but the pain was bearable. I always expected contractions to feel like really intense period cramps but they didn’t. I don’t even quite know how to describe them but to me, it felt more like a nerve sort of pain rather than muscle pain. I honestly can’t even think of how to describe it because it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

The doctors and nurses were periodically checking how I was progressing (dialating) but I didn’t really let that affect my mood. I had learned in our birthing class that the amount you’re dilated doesn’t really tell you much at all. People can be dilated to a three for weeks, and not have any signs of labor. And then people can be at a three in labor, and the next thing you know, they are at a 10 ready to push. I did know though to pay attention to the intensity of my contractions and how close together they were. I was at a four in the late afternoon. P.S. I also heard everyone say it was terrible when they stick their hand up there to check you, but I didn’t think it was that bad. So maybe don’t believe everything you hear about labor. (LOL could also mean not to believe my saying it’s not that bad :P)

Around probably 3pm, the contractions started getting a little more intense. Because of all my IV’s, I had to stay in bed the whole time through my labor and couldn’t really move around. That was hard because there were times I wished I could stand or adjust my position but I really couldn’t. When a contraction would hit, I would just hold Ben’s hand and breathe deeply in and out. I started realizing that the worst part of the contraction was over after about five deep breaths (Contractions peak aka they are the worst they will be at about 30 seconds into them, and then they start tapering off). So I would just count my breaths and breathe through the pain until it was over. The craziest thing is the time in between the contractions. I think I always imagined being in some sort of pain the entire time in labor but once the contraction is over, the pain is gone for the time being. To give you an idea of how true this is, I have two videos of me, one at 3:43pm breathing in pain through a contraction, not able to do anything else and the next at 3:44pm using my face roller on my face to relax. Labor is a crazy thing.

The day kept going, and my contractions started getting more and more intense. I think the main thing I kept wondering was “How long is this going to be?” There’s this part of you that wants an end time so you know how much longer you have to make it through the pain. But I had to just keep reminding myself to take it one contraction at a time. In a weird way, the whole process seemed so long but so short all at the same time.

In the back of my head, I was just praying that things would keep going and progressing so that nothing changed with their decision, and I didn’t have to end up having a C-section. My blood pressure was still crazy high, and that was the thing that had them worried. But the whole time, the baby was totally fine, so I had a good feeling about being able to continue. As I mentioned earlier, because of my platelet count, I wasn’t going to be able to get an epidural for the c-section, and the same was true for during labor. So for those of you who had been asking if I got an epidural, I didn’t. But I also wasn’t allowed to. And from what I have heard, contractions on pitocin are way worse than natural contractions, so if I had been allowed to get one, I’m not sure what I would have done. Really because of the circumstances, my only goal was to get her out safely, vaginally if I could. The nurses kept asking if I wanted any pain medication because they could give me fentanyl to alleviate some of the pain of the contractions. I kept declining it but then finally, one of the times they asked, they told me it would probably also help my blood pressure which in turn would help Summer if anything came up, and she was my number one priority so I decided to try it out.

You guys. It did NOTHING. 😛 I had asked the nurse how long it would last, and she said anywhere from 45 minutes to 3 hours. I’m telling you the absolute truth when I say I noticed a difference for a whopping total of two sets of contractions. The first wave of came through, and I was like, “Ahhh yes. So much better”. And literally by the next set, the intensity was back and continued to get even stronger. So I just buckled in to brace myself for whatever the rest of the night looked like.

My laboring continued and got more and more intense. I don’t really know exactly what the timing was of everything, but I would say it was probably around 8pm when things started to get really intense, and I wondered how much longer I would have to push through the pain. Each time a contraction came, I would just hold Ben’s hand and take big deep breaths, and say to myself, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Through some of the contractions, my body would convulse too. And sometimes instead of breathing, I moaned in pain and even just said, “It hurts, baby”. The weirdest thing was that sometimes after that crazy, intense pain, I would literally FALL ASLEEP in between contractions. Like WHAT? It was the strangest thing to go from terrible pain to sleeping back to terrible pain in the space of maybe three or four minutes.

The nurses were periodically checking me, and in the late evening, I think maybe somewhere around 11pm, I was at a 6. Shortly after she had checked and told me I was at a 6, my nurse asked if I was feeling any pressure in my butt. I didn’t know what that meant but basically she said it would feel like I needed to go to the bathroom. I knew from our classes and just hearing people talk about birth that when that happened, that meant it was almost time for the baby to come so I started getting a little bit excited at the prospect of all of this pain coming to an end. But I also was like waittttt, is this really almost it because you just told me I was at a 6!

Fast forward only TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES, and they checked me again, and I was basically at a 10! In their words, there was just a little lip left for me to dilate before it was time to push. Holy cow. I had just gone from a 6 to a 10 in twenty-fives minutes! And all of the sudden, the pressure came out of nowhere. You guys, it was insane. Like this involuntary thing comes over you during the contraction, and all you want to do is push. Except I couldn’t because I still had to wait for a tiny bit more to open up. It was 11:30pm at this point, and in between one of the contractions, Ben and I were betting on whether we thought she would come before or after midnight since it would affect her birthday. I forget what we said, but I feel like we said after. 😛 I had to wait to push until I had dilated the last little bit of the way, and my doctor still had to get there and all that!

Then, all of the sudden, they told me I could push. On the first push, I kind of pushed and mostly screamed. Which you are not supposed to do. 😛 Because it totally wastes your pushing energy. My doctor and the nurse looked at me and were like, you want this baby out right?! Screaming won’t do that. And so I said ok, tell me what to do. They said when I felt the contraction coming to breathe and then to hold my breath for as long as I could and to push. Then if I needed more air, I was to take a quick breath and bare down and keep pushing. And all of the sudden I remembered learning that in our class, and I was ready. The next contraction, I did exactly what they said! And the next. And the next. On that last one, my nurse got in my face and was like if you keep pushing just a little harder on this one, she’s going to be out. And that was all it took for me to give it everything I had. I held my breath as long as I could, came up for a breath and pushed some more.

Then, all of the sudden right in front of me, after only ten minutes of pushing, I see my baby girl. My doctor held her up, and she cried just like she was supposed to, and he said something about her being feisty. Takes after her mom, I guess.

Our little Summer Joy was born on April 12, 12:19am, after about 12 hours of labor.

I wish I could say that they then handed her to me, and I got to have those first special moments crying and holding our baby girl with Ben for the first time. But they didn’t. Because she was she early, the NICU team that had been waiting in the room for her to be born, took over. They assessed her and did all the things, and put her on oxygen and into her little box. Ben was able to go straight over to her though and see her and take pictures and cut her umbilical cord. I felt like I should have cried or been sad but for some reason, I wasn’t. I had my moment later when we got out of the hospital, processing that things didn’t happen how I thought they would, and all that, but in that moment I just knew that that was where she needed to be, and I knew Ben would be with her. And that was enough for me to hold it together. Before they took her up to the NICU, they wheeled her over to me in her little box so I could meet my baby Summer for the first time. I cried and stuck my hand in through the little hole and touched her and told her I loved her. It felt so surreal. And to be honest, it really felt surreal until we brought her home. I’ll share more in a post on the rest of my time in the hospital and her time in the NICU, but I guess it was hard to feel like I had a baby since I didn’t HAVE her with me. I spent the next four days in the hospital hooked up to IV’s and lots of other things because my blood pressure was still really bad. I wasn’t allowed to go up to see her for two days, and they didn’t bring her to see me for over 24 hours after I had her. I think that’s maybe why I’ve put on writing this. Because it just feels like a story about birth without the emotion of getting to hold my baby for the first time with my husband by my side. I know that’s just my story. And that so many others have stories just like mine. Which is why I know I want to share it.

While they were doing all the NICU stuff, my doctor sewed me up. I didn’t end up having too bad of a tear but I had always been SO worried about that part! So if that’s you too, just to give you an idea, I must have been on some kind of weird adrenaline high because I was all chatty with him and asking him how bad it was while he worked. Which tells you the whole tearing/getting sewn up thing really wasn’t that bad. 😛

Another funny thing that Ben and I still laugh about is what I ate after giving birth. Someone had brought us Chipotle that day while I was in labor, and I asked my nurse if I could eat it. I hadn’t eaten in two whole days. They literally only let me suck water off of a washcloth during labor, and that was the only thing I had put in my mouth for two days. The nurse vetoed my eating my Chipotle but offered me a few other things, one of which was a cherry popsicle. I got SO excited. For some reason, it sounded SO GOOD. And holy smokes, it was. I think it was 2am when Ben came down from the NICU and walked in on me eating my popsicle. I was so excited to tell him about how freaking good this popsicle was, and he just laughed at me. 😛

I also could NOT sleep that night. I was seriously on this crazy adrenaline high. Throughout the night, a few of the nurses and doctors came in to chat with me. I vividly remember it being 3:30am, and I was just chatting it up with one of my doctors about how crazy the whole day had been and how cool it was I got to have her naturally etc. Actually several of the nurses came in to say that everyone had been talking about me all day and how they were all so proud of me for having her naturally and all that.

I can’t just leave this post just like this, with my chatting with my team in the middle of the night, and nothing more about my baby girl so…

I did later get my moment that I imagined. At home. With Ben and my precious four pound baby girl, Summer. We cried and held her and thought about what had brought her here. About how God protected all of us from something that could have been really, really scary. And this story, this is just the beginning. A snippet of what I know is going to be the most incredible adventure. And I hope that when Summer looks back and reads this she sees how her mama trusted Jesus in the face of crazy hardship and that she was still able to be excited about a dang popsicle after a day like that. 😛 And she’ll for sure know just how amazing her dad is because if his care for her in the hospital when mama couldn’t be there for her is any indication of the rest of her life, she’s the luckiest girl in the world.

Here’s to you our little Summer girl. You are already our greatest adventure yet.

xoxo,

Christine